I was just randomly looking through my personal webspace on this server, and found something that’s obviously been sat there a while – an airline gripe sheet :D . It’s a damn good laugh though :D
I tried a quick search to see where I’d got it from, but I’ve discovered it’s done a fair amount of circulation on the internet.
Here it is, in full:
After every flight, airplane pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. These are claimed to be actual maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the
solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by mechanics.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.